If you spend much time around people with addictions, you\u2019ll notice a lot of them say the same thing.\r\n\u201cI never felt like I fit in,\u201d many of them will tell you. \u201cAll my life, I\u2019ve just felt different.\u201d\r\nThat sensation of being the outsider, the loneliness of the presumed interloper, is often what caused them to turn to substances in the first place, they share.\r\nFor me, though, it\u2019s been the opposite.\r\nWhat plagues me is the belief that I\u2019m actually not different at all. That there is nothing whatsoever that sets me apart \u2014 no great talent, no ethereal beauty, no natural ability for anything other than being appropriately dressed at weddings.\r\nA pre-portioned scoop of middle-of-the-road vanilla in a plain white paper cup.\r\nI fit in just fine, because I blend. Like the embodiment of the color beige.\r\nYou know, boring.\r\nThis is not to say that I\u2019m normal. I possess a litany of freaky traits, from not being able to use silverware, to making up songs about my furniture, to speaking in ad copy.\r\n\u201cThis muffin is not the flavor temptation to sweep the nation that I was hoping for,\u201d or \u201cI get the cool mint sensation you\u2019re ignoring me right now.\u201d\r\nThe people who love me think it\u2019s quirky. Those who don\u2019t, find it irritating.\r\nWhat it isn\u2019t, regardless of which side you fall on, is particularly interesting.\r\nAnd this, for me, is the hardest part about not drinking.\r\nBecause despite my many attempts, nothing in my life has ever cured my insecurity like three large glasses of wine. The perfect dose of liquid confidence.\r\nUnfortunately, stopping at that perfect three isn\u2019t something of which I\u2019m terribly capable.\r\nThus leading to what has long been, besides the wedding-attire thing, my most notable attribute: The girl who sure can drink a lot \u2014 and does.\r\nNot exactly the defining characteristic I was striving for.\r\nSure, her wedding outfit is beautiful. But beware the open bar at the reception afterward. That\u2019s where it gets ugly.\r\nAnd so I decided a couple years ago (two years and five days, if we\u2019re counting) to give it up cold turkey, and climb up on that proverbial wagon.\r\nFor the most part, it\u2019s been great \u2014 no embarrassing text messages, no dramatic fights, no drunken confessions I don\u2019t remember the next day.\r\nThere\u2019s more money in my bank account, a bit less jiggle around my mid-section, and probably far fewer annoyed late-shift Sheetz employees.\r\nHonestly, it\u2019d be a dream come true if it weren\u2019t for the now-constant, crushing torture of my self-doubt, no longer deadened, even temporarily, by booze.\r\nBut hey, I never thought I\u2019d go 735 days without a hangover.\r\nSo maybe someday I\u2019ll magically become a fascinating, striking, intriguing, unusual, compelling person.\r\nToday, I am a sober one.\r\nAnd that\u2019s pretty remarkable in itself.\r\n\r\nFor anyone else out there who\u2019s struggling, please know that you are not alone. If you or someone you know needs help, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or locally, WV PEERS, at 304-602-3305.\r\n\r\nKatie McDowell is a lifestyles columnist\/copy editor for The Dominion Post. Feel free to reach out at email@example.com.