Movie plans means reunion with some old (pretend) friends

August 11, 2019

Movie plans means reunion with some old (pretend) friends For a lady with no social life, I have a wide array of friends. There are my baking friends and my makeover friends. My tattoo artist friends and my forensics expert friends. My flea market-flipping friends and my politician friends. My friends who debunk Scientology and the ones who solve cold cases. My buddies who bust internet catfish and my pals who are stuck in maximum security prison. And, of course, my vaguely royal, very classy friends, who own a lovely home in the English countryside staffed by a bevy ...

Podcasts make exercise tolerable

July 28, 2019

As you may recall from a couple weeks ago, I’m deep in the middle of weight-loss hell. A full month of ingesting what feels like next to nothing, pretending as though various forms of plant life pass as satisfying snacks. Tomatoes instead of crackers, salads minus croutons, bulking up every conceivable dinner dish with about 60 pounds of mushrooms. Nary a breakfast bread in sight. Unfortunately, my middle-aged body doesn’t respond to sheer deprivation the way it used to, and the stupid needle on the scale has been stubbornly clinging to the same number for about a ...

My newest frenemy is a weight-loss app

July 14, 2019

I am so hungry. Normally, I wouldn’t begin a column — or any piece of writing, really — by simply logging on and typing my current state. No readable memoir ever began with something so banal as “I am sad. Now read my stuff.” But I’m on deadline, and I just had a cup of blueberries for lunch — my whole lunch — so it’s pretty much all I can come up with at the moment. And while, yes, it would be fair to point to a lack of imagination on my part, I’m choosing instead to place the blame in the same spot I’ve placed it for every negative emotion ...

There’s a new frenemy in town

July 14, 2019

Katie McDowell I am so hungry. Normally, I wouldn’t begin a column — or any piece of writing, really — by simply logging on and typing my current state. But I’m on deadline, and I just had a cup of blueberries for lunch — my whole lunch — so it’s pretty much all I can come up with at the moment. No readable memoir ever began with something so banal as “I am sad. Now read my stuff.” And while, yes, it would be fair to point to a lack of imagination on my part, I’m choosing instead to place the blame in the same spot I’ve placed it for every negative ...

‘You couldn’t watch it, the dog dies’

June 30, 2019

It’s no secret that I love murder shows and horror movies. Ever since I was old enough to appreciate a good story, I’ve been drawn to the drama of human suffering. Sad documentaries, slasher films, true crime podcasts, books with a dead body in chapter 1 — whatever the medium, if people are devastated in it, I’m down. But do not, under any circumstances, expect me to watch/read/listen to anything where an animal is harmed. And definitely not if one dies. This rule goes back even further than my preoccupation with human hardship. I remember as a child my ...

Can’t wrap my mind around all this guilt-free eating

June 16, 2019

Pointing, I asked Dan about the source of a rouge red spot at his waist. “What did you get on your new shirt?” I wondered. “Huh,” he said, looking down, thumbing at it a little. “I have no idea.” Seeing as how the conversation wasn’t exactly scintillating, we both just went back to watching TV. “Oh, wait,” he piped up a few minutes later. “I forgot, they had donuts at my meeting earlier and I ate a couple raspberry jelly ones. Totally spaced it. That must be it.” He turned his attention back to the TV once again, while I was left staring ...