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There is a Chinese proverb that tells us, "We have two lives: the second begins when we realize we have only one." When we were young back in the sunny meadows of our childhood, each day held the promise of a tomorrow. Seasons blended into one another seamlessly, with holidays and special family celebrations appearing on the horizon on their appointed days. We were anxious for all those tomorrows to come. We were impatient for those special days on the calendar, often barraging our elders with constant concerns about when those happy tomorrows would arrive.
Now that we have lived on this spinning planet for 60, 70, 80 or more years, our tomorrows have become, not a promise but a possibility. The truth is none of us, young or old, can absolutely rely on being here tomorrow. Today is all anyone can count as a certainty. That's not dark thinking. It's simply reality, but a reality we rarely allow to enter our minds. If the thought of our mortality sneaks in somehow, we tend to erase it as quickly and thoroughly as possible. Why not, instead, accept the fact that the days and years of our life are becoming more limited, especially in our elder years. Why not try, in our own way, to make each day our own masterpiece, living as much as possible in the present, molding and forming that present into a life we enjoy.
In our lives, especially if we have lived long enough to have entered our elder years, we have had to deal with a number of issues and circumstances that annoy us, stress us, circumstances that can even break us: Loss of those dear to us, broken relationships, betrayals by those we trusted, health issues, bad news, low income, job loss. The list goes on, a very personal list for each of us. When even small things in our days go wrong, it's easy to go immediately on autopilot, jump into the old habit of reacting rather than thoughtfully responding with kindness and a good grasp of the situation. I know so well how easily that unthinking reaction comes, for it has been a bad habit of mine for far too long. If we are truly committed to molding and forming whatever days or years we have left to us, that quick, negative reaction seems like the first thing that needs to change. As humans, we have free choice. We can choose whether to react or respond. It's usually a daily choice, for there are very few days that will play out without a single hitch. An interesting study by the Mayo Clinic suggests, "behavior changes biology" gratitude, positive thinking and positive gestures release the hormone oxytocin. It also suggests kindness can increase self-esteem, empathy, connection and compassion.
It's also important to remember to be kind to ourselves. There's nothing selfish about trying to create a life in which we give the things that matter to us priority instead of laying them back on the shelf to gather dust. For so many years, we have put ourselves in second place. For so many years, our marriage, the children we brought into the world, our jobs, our extended family were always our first consideration. Although these did not define us, they put some restraints and limitations on our choices. Now we are free to choose how we spend our days, our time, our limited energy. We are free to create a life that suits us very well. Now we can try to live out the rest of our "second life" with courage and joy.