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It is true we marvel at stories about people who have led extraordinary lives: Winston Churchill during the second World War, the scientist Marie Curie, the astronauts who were the first to land on the moon and so many others through history and into the present day who have led truly extraordinary lives. Their exceptional achievements and experiences make good reading. However, most of us lead what we might call ordinary lives, not mediocre or mundane, just life made up of quite ordinary days and experiences: joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain. Our society seems to push us toward a different goal. It places great value on living a life of extraordinary achievement or wealth or public popularity and adoration. Most of us realize at some point that we will never achieve the great wealth of multi-billionaires or that our talents will never bring us a film Oscar. Neither are we likely to see our picture on the cover of Time Magazine.
Brene Brown (University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work) writes: "Joy comes to us in ordinary moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary." In our youth and even our middle years, one reason for "chasing down" an extraordinary life was the expectations of others and expectations of society. Of course, the young should use whatever talents, abilities and goals emerge as they come to maturity and even their middle years, but these should be tempered by their abilities and realistic goals.
However, impossible expectations should not, in any case, follow us into our elder years like dark shadows. Regret for wrong choices in our youth is useless and can only cast a pall over our days. Pining for a life less ordinary is the thief of joy, stealing contentment from our retirement and whatever years we have left on this planet. As we age, many familiar doors close, but a window to another life, another identity opens. The view from that window holds both shadow and light. The physical changes in our bodies that come in our 70s and beyond bring many unwanted changes. Another change is in our identity. We no longer need to assume responsibility for raising children, holding down a job. This is the time when our ordinary life can take on on a glow if we turn our attention and energy to the present instead of the past.
It can be easy to miss the value of the daily routine of our ordinary lives. Yet, the small happenings of common days, days that now belong to us completely, come together to form a pattern of contentment. There are mornings, days, evenings, times that live in our memories that no one else can recall or claim. These are not just the high points we remember like births, weddings, holidays, special trips. They are the small happenings that stay with us: a spectacular sunset perhaps shared with someone special, a cup of tea and conversation with a good friend, a view from a high hilltop, of mountains folding into one another, the first deep snow covering our back yard in white velvet. There are so many other small, seemingly insignificant moments that bring joy. These words of Robert Brault ring true: " Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
When I think back to the small experiences that made good memories, brought a spark of joy to an ordinary day, I am grateful beyond telling for my very ordinary life.