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It often happened that, if I was away from our home for several weeks, I returned to see the place through a different lens. Walking through the front door, I noticed small things overlooked when living daily in that house. There is a feel to home, a distinct aura no other place on the planet can boast. Coming home from a long span away everything has a special feel, a distinct sparkle.
For as long as humans have walked the earth, they have needed some kind of shelter for safety, for protection from the elements. Early pioneer families coming to the western frontier created homes on the wide prairies from anything on hand. Some even dug into a hillside, shored up the dirt roof as best they could and called it home. Even wandering desert nomads packed up their tents and set up a home wherever they went. Through the decades "Home" continued to evolve, to take on a different look. Now, in our modern era houses and apartments present an incredible variety, as well as a profusion of appliances, gadgets, amenities and expensive luxuries. Yet, small or spacious, plain or remarkable, home will always be more than brick and mortar.
As we move further into aging, there is another aspect to this place we call home. Home needs to be a place of safety, offering solace, comfort and peace. Home is a place where we can close the door and shut out the world. None of us lives without some stress. Problems, tensions, unexpected changes and burdens cast their shadow. Our home needs to be a place of refuge, a place where we can quietly think things through, talk things over, solve problems that have solutions and learn to live with those that don't. Home should be the one place we can find peace.
Whether we live alone or with a life-partner, one of the best ways to bring peace into our home and our life is finding balance. That's not always easy, especially if we find ourselves stuck in the past, concerned about making any changes. When the children were all at home, our main focus was on them, as was right and natural for that period in our lives. We may also have had an outside job which required keeping to a tight schedule to make sure neither job nor home was neglected. So much of our energy went to keeping everything in balance. When the children left home and we retired from our jobs, the scales tipped. Now all those duties, outside commitments and concerns about "getting things done" don't balance with the retired life. This is the time to think about a quieter, slower, less demanding pace that can bring a calm contentment to our home. Time is a precious commodity. We need to use it well. Setting boundaries is one good step. Learning to say "no" to requests for our time is another. Making sure we have time to focus on ourselves and the things we enjoy, but have put off during the busy years is not selfish. It's self-care. Rest, calm and kindness need to be supported. Constant loud arguments are not conducive to peace and contentment. If we share our home with a life-partner, it would be good to speak kindly, listen carefully, forgive readily, solve whatever problems come up together. Conflict and arguments can become a habit in retirement. Instead of inviting them into our home we can allow peace and contentment to reign. Home should be, in the words of T.S. Eliot, "the still point in a turning world."